


midnight blues

by honkjoong



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Bang Chan is Whipped, Couch Cuddles, Deep Conversations, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) is Whipped, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Midnight Conversations, Sleepy Cuddles, Soft Bang Chan, Soft Lee Felix (Stray Kids), i cannot write anything without making it angsty, i desire to have what chanlix have, these tags are messy, this is me comfort writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:40:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26005843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honkjoong/pseuds/honkjoong
Summary: it's a weekly occurrence - felix meets chan on the couch and they watch a movie together.there's not much more to it than that.not until they both realize how dearly they hold the other in their hearts.telling the other how they feel is more difficult than each boy would like to admit.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 8
Kudos: 106





	midnight blues

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pancakeparker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pancakeparker/gifts).



home.

the concept is simple enough: a safe space. for many, that's a roof over their head, food in their bellies, and warmth when it's cold.

for felix, home happens to be a person. a person who makes him feel safe and secure, who reminds him to eat and rest when he needs it, who smells like clean laundry and cologne, who makes him smile even in his darkest moments. for felix, chan is home. it's been that way ever since they met. he's almost certain chan feels the same way, if only because of nights like this.

nights where a freshly showered felix will pull on one of chan's biggest hoodies and curl up into his side on the couch.

chan never seems to mind it; it's become a weekly occurrence by now. like clockwork, felix gets out of the shower, disappears to do his skincare and let his hair dry a bit, slips on one of chan's hoodies, and meets him on the couch. each night, they choose a new movie that has only one purpose: background noise.

tonight it was big hero 6. chan reminded felix of baymax, in a way. soft, kind, and always making sure he was okay. felix would consider himself closer to hiro. clumsy, warm, and always following his heart before his head. they balanced each other out well enough, he thought.

so came the moment for felix to climb up next to chan. there was a big quilt ready for cuddling, nearly drowning out his snuggle buddy. chan himself had decided to wear a sweatshirt tonight, hood pulled up but with his ears sticking out. he reminded felix of one of snow white's dwarves. it was cute. a grin pulled taught on his lips as he gazed down at his best friend for a moment, admiring everything he was to him. before he got too caught up, he climbed into the quilt sea and tucked his legs right underneath himself.

as if out of pure reflex, chan's arm settled around felix's shoulders. warmth flooded every inch of his being and sent his heart into overdrive. this feeling wasn't anything new; nearly every time chan would say something kind to him, felix found himself floundering, drowning in his feelings instead of opening the floodgates and letting them out so he could breathe. every time chan said something kind, felix found his heart racing and dropping all at once.

that feeling made these weekly occurrences terrifying. he was scared he would say something wrong; something that would tell chan how he felt, something that would let chan in to see the vulnerabilities that so plagued his heart. the very thought was enough to scare felix into silence in their most intimate moments. luckily, tonight their only plans were to watch big hero 6 and cuddle. no words needed.

and it was just so; wordlessly, chan clicked play on the title screen. he snuggled felix closer to himself, a move that made felix want to scream. he didn't, though - if he had tried to, his voice would have completely disappeared, just like it does in a nightmare. it was distressing, really; sometimes he just wished he could tell chan how he felt - how every lingering look from the other made his heart skip a beat, how a comforting hand on his back when he'd messed up a move made felix feel like a puddle in boots, how his warm hugs on felix's bad days made him want to fall asleep almost immediately.

it was just too scary. there were too many things that could go wrong. chan could tell him he didn't feel that way, he could tell him he was already seeing someone, or worst of all.. he could tell him he only thought of felix as a little brother. he said it all the time already. it was discouraging at best and upsetting at worst, though felix never let chan see how sad it made him feel. it would be irresponsible to allow chan to see that part of him.

felix was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of the movie beginning. he'd seen it a billion times, but it never failed to make him sad. tadashi didn't deserve to die and walt disney knew that, which only made them the villains to felix. he was sure chan would agree.

for the most part, felix hadn't been focusing on the movie. truth be told, he _couldn't_ focus on the movie with chan holding him so close. he was so _warm_ , felix just wanted to fall asleep. 

he couldn't help it when his eyelids started to droop, nor could he help it when he began to lean more into chan's chest. in all of his incomprehensible thoughts, all he could think about was the fact that chan hadn't pushed him away. _thank god._

for chan, though, all he could think about was how precious felix was. feeling him slowly cuddle closer made everything in his brain go wild. it was like someone had set his nerves on fire with how warm he began to feel. he was almost sure that his entire face was red. _embarrassing._

it got worse when felix let out the tiniest yawn he'd ever heard in his life. he sounded like a kitten that had just awoken from a nap despite the fact that he was falling asleep. it wasn't like felix hadn't fallen asleep during their weekly movie nights before, but tonight more than ever it made chan's heart flutter. he was just so _small,_ so warm and full of love.. how could chan _not_ fall in love? 

the answer was simple: he couldn't. 

it was easy to fall for felix when he was so warm and kind, when he was always checking in on chan and making sure he was sleeping and eating, when he would come to find him for a hug when either of them were having off days. it was easy to fall for felix when he looked up at him with those big puppy eyes, when he would wander around half asleep with his makeup all wiped off, constellations of freckles on full display, when he would come to chan with ideas for lyrics or a beat. falling for felix was the easiest thing in the world, and chan was certain he could do it over and over for the rest of his life - felix was just so easy to love. 

the time passed quickly, big hero 6 playing out quietly while chan played with felix's hair. he'd fallen asleep long ago, probably about forty five minutes into the movie, but that didn't bother chan. in fact, it actually helped him. he had so much time to think and mull over his own thoughts. maybe, just maybe, he'd tell felix how he felt tonight. maybe felix wouldn't even remember it because of his sleepiness. 

chan could only hope, for by now he'd talked himself up to telling lix how he felt. it was either very brave or very stupid of him; he couldn't quite tell which. 

the credits rolled and he felt his heartbeat quicken. he would have to wake felix soon, and that meant telling him, perhaps even spilling his heart out to the poor, half-asleep boy. 

_now or never._

at first, he shook felix gently, cooing at him and running his fingers through his hair. 

_wake up lix, movie's over. c'mon, time to get up. lix.._

waking him wasn't too hard. felix was a relatively light sleeper, really, so by the second time chan had said his name, he was awake.. well, awake enough to register that chan was speaking to him. the moment those big, sleepy eyes of felix's settled on chan's face, he found himself melting. it was so easy for felix to make chan feel nervous, so easy for him to make chan's words catch in his throat and nearly dissipate. 

"huh..?" _could he be any more cute?_

"time to go to bed, lix." chan could see it on his face - he was going to pout and say he wasn't tired even though he'd fallen asleep far too fast for chan to ever believe him. he didn't silence him, though - he simply waited to see that little pout and hear that soft voice of felix's say he wasn't tired. 

"but i'm not tired." _there it was._

 _"_ you fell asleep not even an hour in." his pout only got bigger. chan could swear his heart was liquid gold, pouring out of his ears as he gazed oh-so-lovingly at the sleepy boy before him. in a gesture of silent love, he ran his fingers through felix's hair, brushing his bangs back if only to admire the pretty constellation of freckles that dotted his cheeks. 

felix was beyond breathtaking. it never failed to amaze chan just how gorgeous he was. no matter whether or not he was all dolled up, felix remained one of the most perfect, precious jewels to ever exist. from the gentle slope of his nose to the little twinkle in his eyes when he smiled, felix was the most beautiful soul chan had ever had the privilege to meet. he counted himself lucky to be among those felix considered friends. 

_friends._

was that all they were? surely there was nothing more to them. chan had never verbally expressed his feelings to felix, and felix hadn't said a word about having feelings for chan. maybe these weekly cuddles meant nothing more than felix needing someone to hold him, or chan needing someone to keep him company for a while so he didn't have to be alone all night long. maybe, _just maybe,_ felix didn't feel anything for chan aside from their friendship. 

that would be devastating. 

his thoughts were interrupted by felix trying to sit up. almost immediately, chan tugged him right back to his chest, his heart racing at the boldness of his own actions. felix looked taken aback by it, too. chan could feel his cheeks burning up, the tips of his ears following suit. 

"i thought you wanted me to go to bed?" 

_not yet. stay here with me a little longer._ "you're warm, i don't want to be cold when you get up." 

_stupid._

felix laughed anyway, a noise that so charmed its way right into chan's heart. he wished he could hear that laugh forever. 

_it's now or never, chan. now or never._

if he didn't tell felix how he felt now, he never would. he wanted to tell felix how afternoons eating lunch with him always brightened his day. he wanted to tell felix how working on a new song and hearing his rough vocals for the first time always made his heart go wild. he wanted to tell felix that there was nothing he enjoyed more than wordlessly being in his company. he wanted to tell felix that he loved every single inch of him, from his smile to his love for dancing - everything. there was nothing chan didn't love about felix. 

that didn't exactly happen. 

chan's mouth moved faster than his brain, and instead of the eloquently phrased thoughts he had been thinking, a mess gargled its way out of his mouth and the only words felix could make out were "i," "cute," "like," "adore," and "nights." his eyebrows furrowed almost immediately. 

"what? can you repeat that?" 

chan wanted to disappear. of course he couldn't get his words out right when he needed them. he was certain his face was the same shade as a cherry right now. 

_deep breaths, chan. you can do this._

"i think you're really cute," _pause,_ _deep breath,_ "and i like you," _pause, deeper breath,_ "i adore these nights." _good job. not quite as eloquent as you wanted, but it doesn't matter how the job is done, just that it_ is. 

he was too scared to look at felix, but he did it anyway. sure enough, he was met with an empty gaze that made his heart sink. 

_he doesn't feel the same._

near immediately, chan started to pry himself away from felix, laughing nervously as he moved. "sorry," he murmured, to himself more than anything, "i didn't mean it." 

_didn't mean it? yes you did._

his nerves were on fire. felix's silence sure didn't help the racing of his heart, either. in fact, his silence only made everything feel like it was going in slow motion. just as chan had disentangled their bodies, felix's voice shot through the silence like a rock skipping over a clear lake on a sunny day. 

if chan were to hear felix's thoughts, he would know that felix was thinking all of the same things as himself. felix was floored that chan didn't see him as a little brother, that chan could even view him as a romantic interest. that being said, he was rather stoked to know that chan liked him.

"i like you too." _simple enough, straight to the point. perfect for chan._

_or not._

surely he was just talking out of his ass. felix was half asleep, there was no way he meant that. he was just messing with chan. 

_right?_

those thoughts didn't stop chan's heart from racing even faster. he thought that if his heartbeat sped up any more, he might die. it sure felt that way. 

"what?" 

"i said," _pause,_ "i like you too." 

_deep breaths, chan. deep breaths. he wouldn't have repeated it if it wasn't true.. right?_

_right._

chan still needed a few moments to process the statement. it was as if his head had disconnected from his mouth, which was hanging wide open as he tried to get himself to believe the words that just left felix's mouth. the feeling was mutual. _the feeling was mutual._

"hello?" 

_right. felix was still there._

the biggest grin broke out over chan's face, his eyes turning into little crescents as he looked down at the sleepy boy before him. it was difficult to conceal the excitement he felt about this, so he didn't even try. he plopped himself right back next to felix, running his fingers through his hair just as he had before. it took everything in him to not give felix a kiss then and there. 

for felix, though, that was all he could think about. and unlike chan, he didn't think quite as thorough thoughts when he was mostly asleep. 

so he did it. 

he leaned up and captured chan's lips in the worlds softest, most shy manner possible. 

the experience was perfect. a warm, loving kiss shared between two helplessly in love boys. neither seemed to want to break the kiss, and so they lingered there, together, for a while, chan's fingers brushing through felix's hair and felix's hands squishing chan's cheeks.

chan would have had it no other way. 

"cool, cool, i'm glad we're on the same page." 

the way felix snorted at the awkward response only made chan laugh. oh, how he loved when felix was happy. 

"together?"

"i mean, yeah, i guess." 

chan frowned, nudging felix's side, if only to elicit another laugh. it worked. 

"yeah! yes. together." 

"good."

**Author's Note:**

> haha hey homies  
> this took me a month to write because i can never focus on anything for more than like 5 minutes at a time  
> and the ending kinda is shit and i might revise it later but <3  
> chanlix bfs its felix day 2day love that dude habby birth felix ! ! ! 
> 
> thumb


End file.
